A good kind of exhaustion

This year I felt as though I really lived Holy Week and not just memorialized it.  Several disappointments, followed a friend receiving an unexpected diagnosis and numerous choir rehearsals for Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, the Easter Vigil and of course the Day of Resurrection, have left me exhausted.  Not to mention four papers to write for school.  But it’s a good kind of exhaustion because I know what Jesus endured was infinitely more taxing, and my week was only a glimmer of what Jesus suffered.  But then this life is only a glimmer of the life to come.

I’ve done a lot of reflection about God’s gift of love, compassion and grace to us in the person of Jesus and his death and resurrection.  I certainly don’t understand it all, nor will I ever wrap my mind around God.  And I’m not sure I can articulate what is developing in my soul, but the feeling is complete peace, followed by utter exhaustion.  Everything about Jesus is radical and counter-cultural.  It takes a lot of energy to ‘love my neighbor as myself,’ be a ‘Good Samaritan,’ or ‘seek the Kingdom of God.’  It’s not easy to constantly push against the status quo.  But then I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

My theology class has introduced me to theological reflection which has taken me to a deeper understanding of my embedded faith.  So I’m not only trying to live as a Christian, but also reflect, read and write about it on a daily basis.  As we would say in the Episcopal Church, we “learn, mark and inwardly digest” the scriptures.

It’s a good kind of exhaustion.  Have a blessed Eastertide.

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